FOOD PORN AND IRONMAN

yesterday i was introduced to a new term. "food porn". for me, this was one of those linguistic discoveries that simultaneously validated both my own experience and the fact that slang terminology is generally right on target in providing salient slangs. i wasn't so much surprised that this term existed as i was comforted that it did. it makes perfect sense in my world.

food porn is what i watch most of on TV. i often kill 90m on the trainer watching diners, drive-ins and dives, "triple d" as it is known to us food porn lovers. triple d is my favourite food porn show. viewed in combination with my new iPod gives birth to a near perfect experience, and how many of those do any of us ever have?

the ron jeremy of food porn

guy fieri is truly the ron jeremy of food. i guess that people just like to watch him eat, especially things that are bad for you. there is something about the way he grabs isolated ingredients and munches them out of the pot, that makes a greasy food believer out of anyone who possess a soul. guy is generous in his on camera eating style. it is easy to live vicariously through guy.  and he never eats anything that is just average or normal. the food on his show is all over the top, in your face, excess= the secret to all american greatness kind of fare.  there are no skinny euro-model girls here (or the food equivalent of that i mean). guy only eats the food porn equivalent, of big, healthy, rich and way too curvaceous american girls. (or, i guess tasmanian girls as in the song by ac/dc referenced above). triple d has "junk in the trunk". diners, drive-ins and dives is full on, raunchy, un-ashamed food porn, served up with just the right amount of sophistication. how much sophistication is that? enough. enough for those who can appreciate how the right treatment can elevate the mundane and ordinary (eg. grilled cheese) to the level of art.

i have come to believe that i get at least 100 calories per hour just from watching the show. and, for those in the know,  that is the equivalent of a full power bar gel.  it seeps into your body, somehow, mystically, from the tv screen and delivers energy. i have witnessed surges of 10 watts per hour when something good comes on triple d.

imagine watching...braised rabbit sandwiches with tater tots and kim chi served on lightly grilled, parmesan dabbled, fresh french stick;  double hamburgers exploding with cheese and pork rinds (so big and tall you have to press them down before you bite), fried ravioli, every bit of it made from scratch, including the salami that goes inside) with marinara dipping sauce, cheese fritters. guy is a brave man. he takes risks. he doesn't use protection. and he does it week after week, while we all watch and drool.

 hi, "my name is john and i am a food porn addict. wait...my name is john and i am an ironman, i mean an exercise addict. my name is john, i am training for an ironman (again) i eat like a pig, i dream about food, i exercise too much and i eat like an adolescent. i eat many times a day. i watch food being prepared and consumed while i exercise in my basement. my name is john and i am an addict". (oh, i said that already). food. ironman. food porn. ironman. you get my point. co-addiction.

the fact that my food porn addiction often manifests at the same time as my exercise addiction is no mere coincidence. and things are getting worse lately. as i get into the full swing of my imaz ramp-up, a 3 hour day of exercise seems like i am taking it far too easy, food is a constant thought and the two addictions feed upon one another in serious ways.

i wonder if those who watch porn a lot are more likely to engage in high risk sexual activity? i can only reflect upon the fact that my viewing of triple d has increased substantially of late, and....i no longer see burritos as junk food. i have eaten at burger priest (the home of the cheeseburger topped by a cheese stuffed, deep fried, portebello mushroom) twice in the past two weeks. and i ate fries on both occasions.
thus, i am no longer a simple, innocent witness to food pornography. i am starting to act out what i see. i am in danger of becoming not only a food-porn addict, but a food addict, a down and dirty, more is more and more is better, lover of gustatory excess.

should i be worried? am i the only one who has such a bi-partite addiction?  if my confession moves you, then let's start a group. a 12-step group for endurance-food porn junkies. foodpornenduro-holics anonymous.

i leave you with a list, of the five best food porn experiences i have had in the city of toronto. my "red pages" for the hungry ironman with a closet food addiction.

1. chino locos korean/mexican fusion burritos (best fusion burritos anywhere; imagine a pudgy, perfect shell stuffed with slow cooked pork, edamame, a sweet korean relish and noodles, yes, noodles in a  burrito)
2. danforth pizza house (the BEST classic oven pizza anywhere)
3. the burger's priest (order "the priest" and see G-d)
4. kouzina (the best chicken souvlaki and greek salad on the planet, try also the home burger, with "everything",  a burger with greek spices and topped with tzatziki)
5. danforth roti shop (shameless things like: parata, dahl pouri, and doubles (fried chick peas stuffed in fried batter). oh yum, let me nap now.