ABSURDITY AND APPETITE

lately, i have been getting dumped on quite a bit.

nothing unusual. nothing arcane. just life: work, daddy duty, spousal duty, in laws, winter, storms, bike mechanicals (my new cross bike promising heaven and delivering hell in the form of two mangled derailleurs), the flu.

i understand why the russian winter leads to so much philosophy. and depression. long, cold, dark, messy, wet. enough said.

in the midst of my winter blues, i recently had the opportunity to re-visit the work of albert camus, who wrote an essay, which has influenced me as much as various holy books i have read, "the myth of sisyphus"; his treatise on the philosophy of the absurd.  the absurd, says camus, arises when a human's deepest wishes and desires meet the harsh reality of an existence that, in essence, negates them. that which we most want, we can never have. furthermore, time, being the great punisher, makes sure that nothing we do ever lasts. viewed in the context of time, all human action is about as futile as sisyphus pushing his boulder up that hill. and it never ends.

so why bother?

why is perhaps less important, or certainly, no more important, than how. how has a lot to do with what and when, but is often less clear. how is a series of discrete happenings blurred together by the flow of time. . how is composed out of unadorned moments that together, comprise the fabric of a life.  camus ultimately turns his attention towards the "how" of existence. "what matters is not the best living, but the most living".

freedom, passion and rebellion are the cylinders that fire the existential engine.

without the hope for a "better future", once we relinquish the idea that we should be living out the "purpose of existence" we become free. thus, we "trade" the acknowledgement of our absurd condition for freedom of action.  yet without a push or a pull, without something to be opposed to, or to strive for, there is no action.

so, what do we do with our freedom? what makes you angry? what makes you passionate? where is the source of your righteous flame of indignation?

combine a huge appetite for the extreme and/or the grandiose, throw in a healthy dose of passion, and a strong sense of rebellion, and what do you have? your typical ironman athlete. the absurd man. embracing the absurd. riding it. living it most. a comedy of appetite and questing. quintessentially absurd.