LIGHT

during one of my last long rides on the trainer, this talvin singh song came on the ipod and i went with it, into a land of playful tranquility...i rode with my eyes closed and i was no longer suffering in my basement mangeon with the space heater blasted to 30 celsius (artificial cozumel conditions), i was not trying to find ways to avoid insanity during five hours of a solitary confinement of my own creation: bikram sweat studio ironman training jail cell. i was free, lucid, turning, radiant, fluid.

it made me think of an email my coach sent me a while ago, in which he described endurance training as "heroin for the soul". funny that he should use that term, because, even to those who are substantially anti-drug, the word heroin, signifies something tremendously powerful. synthetic heaven, if you will, and anyone who has known a true junkie (of any kind) knows that it is heaven they are after. often at the expense of paying any real attention to the world of the living.

nirvana is another, related concept. there was a time when i viewed nirvana as some kind of final attainment or resting place, but now i see it as a state (not trait), a gift of light, a view into the kaleidoscope of existence where one apprehends the essential oneness and playfulness of everything.

i had a similar experience recently watching jelly fish change colours at the giant, new ripley's aquarium with my daughter. i digress, but this blog is really all about digression.

i have also thought about the passing of lou reed, author of heroin, one of the best rock songs of all time.

"i'm going to try for the kingdom if i can".

what is this kingdom, if not the opioidal equivalent of nirvana? heaven. and no, i am not sure they are the same thing.

but yes, sometimes this endurance sport lifestyle, this ironman journey, provides "heroin" for the soul, and that is why we do it. are we jock-main-liners, questing for those precious moments of perfection in which we are at one with our bodies, our machines, our environment?

"heroin, be the death of me, heroin, it's my wife, it's my life, because a mainer to my vein, leads to a centre in my head, and then i'm better off than dead"

i find it interesting that opioids are released in response to prolonged and/or vigorous exercise. opioids are natural heroin. opioids are released in abundance, also,  during primal experiences of attachment and mammalian bonding (think sucking at your mother's breast); so opioids have a lot to do with connection to love, caring, belonging, warmth, attachment, security and bliss.

 strangely similar expressions...at the fringes of human experience, looks can be deceiving, but a picture also tells a thousand words…needles, bikes, running shoes, cooking spoons.  vehicles. 

i dont' think this was what coach ian meant, but i had some fun playing it through some vicissitudes.

and now, back to the title of this blog…light. 

light is: playful. jumping. bounding. fast. free. illuminating. heavenly.

there is some light at the end of the tunnel for me. ironman cozumel is only two weeks away. part of me just can't wait for it to come, to be on, to be over…part of me wishes it would never come. just like the holy grail for a knight, or a maiden in a lonley tower for a troubadour, in some ways, an ironman is best  related to as an image, a goal, an ideal, something sought after, strived for, idealized even,  but never attained. maybe heaven is the same way. light gives us glimpses of heaven, enough to get by, but light, by its very nature is fleeting, ephemeral. it comes, it goes, it shows us wonders and then buggers off, leaving us searching in the dark once more.

and maybe we are happier searching. brief pulses of light on the wall of plato's cave are all we can handle, we see the shadows of ideal forms just long enough to be tantalized and then we are back to longing, to imagination. this is the problem with heroin, with mainlining. it tries to by-pass the dance and immerse you in heaven…but that is not what living is about.

don't get me wrong. i am hoping to rock it hard in cozumel. but i already know, that whatever brief moments of light i experience there, and afterwards, whatever heroin i get, will fade away, to become fuel for the next quest.

which reminds me, i need to be on-line monday morning to get my spot at IMAZ 2014...



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