LIFE IS AN ENDURANCE EVENT

two weeks ago i turned 50.

the year leading up to this momentous, yet ultimately anti-climactic event, was quite complicated. chris cornell killed himself in may. i dealt with that, (didn't deal with it) in my own way, by becoming obsessively focused on layne staley and scott weiland, spending hour after hour on the toilet at night, before bed, watching videos of dead rock stars.

in the midst of my inner, and rather quiet, mid-life, death crisis, i had about the worst season ever for triathlon. i sucked at every race, and sank into relentless depths of over-training, and neuro-endocrine burnout. (places where the cracken cracks howled deep, long and low).

so, the whole ironman thing, which was my big rebellion in the face of death and aging, was sort've burnt at the stake and i spent a lot of time focused on rock n roll figures who burned out rather than fade away...

but here i am. 50. i've grown some hair (for the first time in 20 years), i have kids, i work, i still workout like a pig, but maybe a little smarter than before. i cook (a lot), i eat. live, consume. I dream. i am a survivor.

where my rock heroes took a dive into eternity, i am still here, working in small-time. paying bills. changing the odd diaper. examining my thinning hair-line critically in the mirror at night. and still doing this ironman/triathlon thing, because, like it or not, it is just part of who i am. and i do not wish to be done with it. i have endurance.

there is a form of apparent endurance that accompanies the passage of time, but i call that plain survival. endurance is not the same as survival. it involves choice, responsibility, intentionality. endurance means being actively engaged in life's quest, choosing to be here doing these things.

i choose to endure.

well, so what now?, one might ask.

i had thought quite a bit about whether or not to kill the endurance animal, noble beast that he is. i had considered that maybe this blog has run its course, done its job, and i have no need for it anymore.
but i have re-considered.

perhaps just a face-lift, some new hair and a wardrobe change will invite a freshness of approach and perspective.

i haven't quite given up on endurance animal yet. but to in order to endure, he must transform himself into a new kind of beast. he must take some new directions, develop a new focus, a new type of relevance.

so, i will let him continue for now. new look. still product reviews, still the odd philosophical rant, still race reviews, maybe more recipes and food porn. maybe the odd piece about ageing and endurance because it takes endurance to age and to keep doing this shit every day.

thanks me. i enjoyed both writing and reading this.